What is Romance?
A lot of people struggle to define romance. Demons Among Us could be classified as a romance story. Most “Romance” novels or movies or television shows focus on sex and lust. There seems to be a big confusion on the difference between lust, love, sex, and romance, when there’s a distinct difference between them all.
Lust and sex don’t equal love and romance. There’s nothing wrong with either lust or sex, making them equivalent to love and romance doesn’t work. Exposure to this false equality can damage the relationships of younger generations.
In Demons Among Us an example of lust is the instant sexual attraction Bryce has for Cat and many other women at the start of the book. Bottom line, at first glance, he wanted sex, nothing more, nothing long term, nothing psychological or emotional.
This brings us to sex. We all know sex is simply the act or coitus. There doesn’t need to be any love, emotion, or other connection to perform the act. In Demons Among Us, Bryce is only interested in one-night stands, with a few exceptions. In these one-nights, there is no love or romance. It is simply lust and sex and the desire for instant gratification, yet he always makes sure his partner understands what they’re getting into and that they’re okay with it.
There are exceptions to the rules of sex. These exceptions are on a personal level for the people involved. Many people only develop a sexual attraction once another connection is made, and many others, never truly develop one even if they love another with all their being. But that is for a different blog. Consent is needed in every case, plus everyone has the right to say no or change their mind and have their feelings respected.
Regarding love and romance; both can exist alone or together or in any combination with the other ideas. Love is something that tends to confuse us most. It’s simple yet complicated. There are multiple versions of love a person could, in theory experience, they could be overwhelmed thinking about it too long. Examples run from being good parents (foster, single, adoptive, step, or etc.), pets, friends, family, and chosen family. Bryce feels the love of his chosen family and friendship for his people.
Another type of love is love for a stranger and is demonstrated by simple acts of kindness when we know we’ll get nothing in return. This is displayed in the acts of firefighters, EMTs, and even simply someone who sees you having a rough time and tells you, you’re an angel and everything will be alright. I, Z, had a recent event where a stranger truly made my day and my life a bit better because of that one act of kindness.
Finally, there’s romantic love felt for a partner, spouse, or lover. In Demons Among Us, Bryce and Cat’s relationship gradually turns from lust and sex, to love and romance. After all, it was only supposed to be one night, but he couldn’t stay away, and she couldn’t turn him away. The connection they shared went far beyond just the physical.
Now we came to “Romance.” Why is “Romance” in quotes? Because this seems to be the area most people are confused with. We’ll start with what romance isn’t. Romance isn’t a relationship where one partner is controlling, possessive, domineering, jealous, or abusive, this also applies to love. Although jealousy is a just human emotion, the type we’re talking about is the type involving a person flying into a rage because their “interest” was seen with another.
Another topic for discussion later, but deserves a brief mention is the world of BDSM where several of these features are prominent. If done right these features are done with full consent and either party can stop it at any time.
What romance is, or should be is a bit harder to explain because it will vary according to those involved. In Demons Among Us, romance is Bryce and Cat curled up on the bed. He’s watching football (soccer in this country) she’s leaning against him reading. There’s no sex here, no lust, just the enjoyment, and contentment of spending time in each other’s company.
While love doesn’t always need romance, and romance doesn’t always need love, we feel they strengthen each other greatly. So, what is Romance? In our opinions romance is a part of love, making relationships last for fourteen years, forty years, forty-five years, or fifty-five years or beyond.
